Adult Friendship

Recently I was reading about how difficult it is to make friends as an adult. It’s also expensive. People these days tend to meet during activities. Most of these cost money: gym memberships, clubs, educational programs and hobbies. With the world operating mostly in cyberspace meeting in person takes extra effort.

It doesn’t help that in these post-pandemic years a lot of people are staying home. Avoiding people has become a habit. Young people who came of age during those years never developed the social skill sets needed to make new friends. At least they are back in school and have the opportunity to meet their peers. However, some have a lot of catching up to do and not much time left to do it. 

Those can be life long friends. I still have friends I met during my school years. It took some work to stay in touch when we all scattered to the four winds after graduation. However, eventually a few moved back to town and others are within reasonable driving distance. 

Another thing I noticed is the large number of young adults with crippling social anxiety. Just the thought of meeting strangers can cause bad reactions and physical symptoms. That certainly hampers making new friends. 

One place we don’t meet anymore, especially in New England, is at church. That used to be the center of a lot of people’s social circles. In my region church membership is way down.

What we lack is what’s known as a “third space.” That’s some public space that’s not work or home. The article lamented that free public gathering spaces aren’t that common. There are some options popping up that are either free or inexpensive. My wife’s church opened a free coffee shop in the basement of their church. It’s secular with no concern about a person’s religion. The idea is to get the community to come together. Finally after a number of months it’s taking off. There are even some local musicians who show up with their instruments. Too bad it’s just open one day a week.

Those of us in the Boomer generation used to get together at each other’s houses. Recently some of us have been gathering for campfires now that the weather is decent. Sitting around the fire, talking and burning a few marshmallows is a pleasant and cheap night out. I was happy with the gathering we had the other night. 

Having adult friends is good for one’s mental health. It also doesn’t hurt to have someone to call for help in an emergency. 

-Sixbears

That time of year

I don’t really want to be a Christmas Scrooge. If you remember Dickens’s tale, in the end Scrooge’s attitude did a 180 and he became Mr. Christmas. That’s not going to happen to me, I’m no Scrooge. Every year when A Christmas Carol is performed, I root for Scrooge to stick to his guns. He always gives in.

Now I don’t have a problem with the whole Christian thing. If you want to celebrate a Christian holiday at the same time as the old Pagan holidays, that’s fine by me. The dark days of winter are a good time for a holiday. Since Jesus’s birthday isn’t in the Bible, and if you want to celebrate it, December 25 is a good as any other day.

Getting together, lighting some lights, and having a party seems like a pretty good idea. It is if you keep it simple. Don’t get all caught up in the gift thing. If you want a big gift, aren’t you guilty of the sin of greed? What about the person who shows how wealthy they are by giving elaborate gifts? Could they be guilty of the sin of pride?

Of course, by giving nice gifts, maybe someone is only showing the virtue of generosity. Intent is everything.

All I know is that the best best Christmas I ever had is when were desperately poor. The idea of giving expensive gifts was right out. We barely had any money for token gifts. Not only did we have no money, we had no credit left. That year we invited all our friends and relatives to come to a Christmas Eve party at our house. Everyone was encouraged to bring a dish to share. A lot of people showed up and we had a wonderful party. Not only that, we ate for a week on all the leftover food. It was such a good party that people talk about it to this day.

This year it appears that everyone is going to be reasonable about gifts. There’s no need to turn the holiday into a celebration of the destruction of resources and the piling on of debt. For me, something like a used book, gloves, or a hat is more than enough. Having the time to share a cup of coffee or a glass of wine is an even better gift.

Christmas is great when a person is about 5 years old. Everything is new and exciting and it doesn’t take a whole lot of money to give a 5 year old something they’ll love. Watching the little kids open gifts can be fun.

When I was a teenager I made a big mistake. I worked a whole season at a place called Santa’s Village. This amusement park had Christmas music playing on the loud speakers all day long. There’s only about 4 good Christmas songs in the world. That summer I heard my lifetime supply of Christmas music. About the only “Christmas” music I like now is in the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. Vince Guaraldi’s jazz music is like a breath of fresh air.

My favorite uncle died just before Christmas one year. That was a bad one for me. Nothing like a cold and snowy graveside service to put a damper on the holiday spirit. I think of him every year about this time. As luck would have it, I just had another uncle pass away. He was a really nice man and everyone loved him. The blow is lessened by the fact he had a long good life, but he’ll be missed.

Celebrate Christmas, if you must. Remember, good human fellowship is the best gift. Perhaps take a moment to contemplate the spiritual. If you live long enough and do enough, you learn there are some really profound mysteries out there. Where logic and reason can do no more, all that’s left is faith.

You could join me in rooting for Scrooge to stick to his principals. It did take a bunch ghosts to wear him down. Still, awoken by ghosts in the middle of night, no wonder the poor guy snapped.

Merry Christmas

-Sixbears

Reunions

It was my High School class reunion today. I did not go. The event was held only 25 miles down the road from me, yet I had little interest. What’s the point? I had a group of friends I was close to in High School. We kept in touch. As for the rest, there’s a reason we don’t hang out.

Some people go to these events to see how they measure up to their classmates. I don’t care. I measure success differently than most. Independence and freedom mean a heck of a lot more to me than money.

College reunions are even worse. I’m almost 20 years older than my fellow students. I’ve got grandchildren the age of their kids. A few lasting friendships were made, but not all that many. My path since college isn’t something they put in the college promotional literature -they measure success differently also.

I will stop by the Fire Station once in a while. There are still guys working there who I once served with. That’s a tight bond that lasts. They are always good for a cup of coffee and a few laughs. However, every year there are fewer guys I served with. Retirement and death takes its toll. When the last of those guys are gone, I probably won’t stop in there anymore. The new guys know who I am and would still be happy to pour me a coffee. We are still all brothers together, but we haven’t found the same dragons.

The past is the past. Looking back once in a while is fine, but treat it like driving a car. The occasional glance in the rear view is prudent. Don’t let it distract you from where you are going. Keep most of your attention on the present and future and you’ll be lest likely to drive into a ditch.

-Sixbears