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Monday, May 1, 2017

The lives people live



Picture this: it's 38 degrees out and raining. I'm sitting in my kitchen, coffee in hand, the woodstove going. Looking out at the lake, I see there's a fishing boat on the water. Someone is a lot more into fishing than I am. Maybe his home life is such that fishing in a cold rain is more fun?

I hope the guy just loves fishing that much.

Although, I see so many people who's home life is such that fishing in the cold rain is better than spending the day with their spouse. When I see people who've spent decades in loveless marriages, I just shake my head.

It's not just bad marriages that people put up with. They work at jobs they hate, live in places they don't like, socialize with people they don't like, and even dress in clothes that makes them uncomfortable. The list goes on and on.

Sometimes people fall into a rut, and while they don't love it, it's comfortable. Change always comes with a certain amount of discomfort, even good change.

There are people who put up with bad stuff for a long time, but do it because it's what they have to do to advance some greater goal. That's a noble pursuit. Sometimes you just have to do the work. A guitarist does not become good without working until his fingers are calloused. A successful professional does not just fall into his profession. It takes schooling, work, and dedication. There are no guarantee of success either.

What I have difficulty with are those who do all that suffering for things they don't really want. They may even become proficient at the life they hate. Often they don't see a way out, or even realize there could be a way out.

How many people have to take medication to deal with their jobs? Frankly, I was surprised to learn of the number of people who need anti-anxiety or anti-depressants to go to work each day. Maybe they should take a long hard look at their situation and figure out the real problem.

A buddy of mine was very unhappy with his life. He hated his marriage, the responsibility of raising children, his house, his job and just about everything else. Often when someone reaches that point in their lives, all they can see is that they need a complete break from everything. In his case I suggested he start with the divorce and then see how the rest of his life looked before giving up on everything.

Ending the unhappy marriage got rid of a lot of stress in his life right off the bat. They sold the money pit of a house in the settlement. After that, the rest of his life started to look pretty good. His relationship with his kids improved immensely. His job was no longer a problem and he began to enjoy that too. It took a few years, but he met a wonderful woman and remarried, bought a nice new house, and even his relationship with is ex-wife became civil.

The thing with holding onto a bad life is that it leaves no room for a better one to come in. Your hand has to drop the burning coal before it can grasp the pretty flower.

Looking out on the lake, I hope that guy just really really loves fishing.

-Sixbears

12 comments:

  1. I detested being an accountant. I hated my job. Used to make me sick on Sunday night thinking I had to go in the next day.

    But, it enabled my family to have a lot of things they wouldn't have had otherwise. Braces, martial arts lessons, "enriching experiences" like trips all over the country. An education in Canada. I know it took years off my life doing that job, and I did it for twenty years exactly. Looking back, especially now that it's over, I guess I would do the same but I damn sure paid the price...

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    1. You weighed the cost and made your choice. It was with your eyes open. More power to you.

      I could not have done it.

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  2. A lot of folk's problems would be easier if they drew a little closer to the Lord (not necessarily the church). As for hating a job, the only one that I hated 100% was telemarketing. Even then, I subscribe to the old sating that "even the worst day of fishing beats the best day at the "office." (and I don't even fish anymore!)

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    1. A spiritual life provides strength in times of need.

      Everyone who I know who's ever done telemarketing has done it because they were desperate for the money to keep a roof over their head. That was reason enough, but just barely.

      There must be some truth to a bad day of fishing is better than a good day at the office.

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  3. Your original surmise is probably right, sadly. He is so desperate for some peace-n-quiet he will fish in a cold rain. I've been there, done that and wore out the T-shirt, either from home-life or job situations. It's extra miserable when both of them gang-up on you. Thank goodness I'm retired now, all I have to worry about is making the dinky pension stretch far enough.

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    1. Pension money isn't all that great, but it works out pretty good by the hour. At least that's what I've found.

      I suppose if home life and work are both against you, fishing in the cold rain looks pretty good.

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  4. Another great, insightful post.

    Thanks

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    1. You are welcome. Thanks for coming by!

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  5. Sometimes, the fishing is pretty good in the rain, especially when it is cold. I can recall both rainy and sunny cold mornings where the fishing was just awesome.

    Marriage requires work, it is easy to get stuck in a rut, especially when kids are in the house. Taking care of their needs, the two adults forget that they have needs too. My marriage is sort of like that - our kids are teenagers now, the oldest likely to stay in our home because of his autism. We want to be sure that he has persons with his best interests in mind, rather than a person who is payed to watch over another with little interest.

    When we are alone, we can hold hands and talk of the days events. She loves to ride motorcycles and has a group of older riders that have the same love. My self - I like the woods and enjoy hunting in season. Used to fish a lot, but not so much anymore, there are no nearby places to go. Love the peace and sounds of the water, really relaxes me.

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    1. It's tough to balance being a couple and having kids. My lovely wife and I figured if we kept our romance alive the kids would not have to deal with the pain of parental divorce. Fortunately, they didn't have special needs that would have made life much harder. We could use normal baby sitters instead of specialized care.

      My lovely wife and I are both water people. I love being able to look out my windows and see the lake.

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  6. I live as I do by choice. My life suits me and there are those who wish they could say the same.

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    1. Indeed! The only right way to live is the way you want to live. Too many people try to live someone else's ideal of a proper life.

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