No more features please

So my credit union just sent me an e-mail. They are adding all kinds of “features” to my debit card. Lord save me now. All they are going to do is to make it harder to access my own freaking money. Their current features are bad enough.

Normally I'm accessing my card on-line from all over the place. Since March I've been doing all my financial stuff from either at their offices or from home. About once a week, for whatever reason, the enhanced security features are tripped. They claim they are detecting unusual activity, but absolutely nothing has changed.

Instead of just being able to do my business, I've got to jump through all kinds of security hoops. Their long list of security questions are a royal pain: What's my favorite food? Where did I go to college? What's my wife's middle name? What was the middle name of that little girl who sat three seats away from you in third grade? What's the difference between an octopus? Really hate those silly questions.

Then they have to show me a bunch of pictures and I've got to remember exactly which species of woodpecker I picked for my security pic. Was is the Pileated or the Ladder Back? What am I, a biologist?

If they'd have kept the exact same layout from 1995 I would have been happy. I don't care if it looks like the display from a Commodore 64, I learned how to use it once and that should be enough. If you want me to retrain all the darn time, pay me for my time.

One National bank that I do business with is even worse. For years I dealt with them completely on-line. Then one day I was tired and muffed their security questions and was locked out of the site. Eventually, after going through phone center hell, I got a real live human on the line. She was giving me all kinds of grief. Finally I told here that if they really don't me to pay my bill that's fine with me. She relented and I was able to make the payment -once.

After that, the only way I've been able to pay them is by physical paper check, just like the pioneers. I thought of going through the trouble of reestablishing my on-line access, but gave up on the idea. Now all I do is make sure that bill is the very last one that's going to get paid. They've become number one on my list of companies who'll be stiffed when the budget gets tight. I find joy where I can.

-Sixbears