The way I think sometimes

Across the lake from me some guy put up one of these signs, “drive like your kids live here.” Well, my kids are grown adults who know enough to stay out of the darn road. Maybe what he needs is a sign that says, “I failed to teach my kids to stay out of the road.”

When someone tells me they, “slept like a baby,” I offer my condolences. To me that means they woke up crying and hungry every two hours and then soiled their bed. I remember having babies.

Also bugged by the saying, “healthy as a horse.” So . . . you have a life expectancy of 25 – 30 years? Now if someone was healthy as a tortoise, that would be something.

Those signs on the higway that say, “construction ends.” All I can think of is, “destruction begins.” At that point I'm a lot more careful.

“Giving it the old college try.” This one isn't original to me, but I like it. So, “giving it the old college try,” means putting off the project until the last minute and ordering pizza while drinking cheap beer instead. If you've ever been to college you know it's true.

Sadly, “good enough for government work,” is still universally a way to say you are going to do a poor job of it and it doesn't matter.

-Sixbears