Another Funeral Day

My uncle passed away and the funeral was on Friday. He was an uncomplicated man but a good and kind man. The old guy played hockey at 80 years old against opponents many years his junior. Unfortunately the last couple of years were rough ones. He died at 85 -not a bad run for anyone. 

It’s been a while since I went a full Catholic funeral. There were calling hours at the funeral home in the morning, a full mass during the early afternoon, followed by a graveside service. Afterwards the friends and relatives gathered at a local restaurant. It was a long and emotional day. 

Between the funeral home expenses, church fees, and the dinner my cousins took a big financial hit. The funeral industry is a monster. They hit you at your most vulnerable. A traditional funeral is stupid expensive. 

I thought my dad’s funeral expenses were bad enough but nothing like what my cousins had to pay. My dad had a falling out with his church before he passed so they were cut out of the mix. Dad was cremated and buried next to my mom’s ashes. We had a celebration in the hall at the Florida park he lived in. That was pretty good as he made a lot of friends down there. Back home in New Hampshire we had a celebration of life ceremony and a nice dinner at a local restaurant. All in all it probably cost about as 10th of what my cousins had to pay and it was a good send off. 

As for myself, when I done with the mortal shell . . . well, trash pick up is on Tuesdays.

-Sixbears

Thoughts on Notre-Dame

I had mixed thoughts about the fire at Notre-Dame. On one hand it’s a beautiful historic building that’s significant to the French culture and religious people around the world. On the other hand, it’s just another burning building.

As a former firefighter I’ve seen a lot of buildings burn. Believe me, if it’s your house it’s more tragic than some church in France. However, my experiences taught me about not becoming too attached to things. Some families would be grateful just to have gotten out alive. After all, stuff is just stuff. People are important, not things.

At the end of the day, Notre-Dame is just a thing. Even Christians are taught that a church isn’t the building they meet in but the group of people who meet in Christ’s name. Even devote French Catholics have to admit that Notre-Dame was more of landmark/tourist attraction than a functioning church.

Most of the industrialized world has been becoming more and more secular. That’s the trend. Like it or hate it, that’s the way things are going. Churches in general are becoming relics of the past. The church I went to as a kid is now a secular music venue. Times change.

I’m sure France is looking to rebuilt Notre-Dame out of its significance as a historical building rather than as a place of worship. You don’t hear about tens of thousands of parishioners who will no place to meet. That’s because it barely functioned as a church. There’s probably a handful of elderly pensioners who will have to find something else to do with their day.

Personally, I’m happy nobody, firefighter or civilian, died in the fire. That’s the important take away for me.

-Sixbears

Fear and hate

I’m really sick of politicians trying to manipulate me through fear and hate. I’m certainly not going to put up with it from clergy. While I consider myself a spiritual person, organized religion and I tend to not get along.

My lovely wife, on the other hand, used to really enjoy going to the local church. She had a lot of friends there, loved church music and enjoyed a good sermon. The most recent pastor has been slowly drifting into positions of intolerance and hate.

Once in a while I used to accompany my lovely wife to church, but that had to stop. It was all I could do to keep from shouting out from the pew and calling him out on his BS. It’s bad enough that his theology was questionable, but twisting history and science to fit his prejudices was beyond the pale. Since I was not officially a member of the church anyway, I thought it best to just not go.

As it is, my lovely gentle wife once walked out on his sermon and slammed the door. She did not hesitate to tell people why she left either. After that, the pastor toned things down, but now he’s back to his old self, and then some.

Most of the congregation has slowly drifted away. There are a hard core few who buy into the fear and hate and encourage the pastor. My lovely wife figured that pastors come and pastors go. She could wait this one out. After last Sunday’s hate filled sermon, she’s decided to wait for a new pastor from outside the church. Enough is enough.

Whatever happened to peace, love and understanding?

-Sixbears

Aftermath

Once again, I survived the holiday. I actually enjoyed this one more than endured it. My lovely wife handled the parts I hate -most of the shopping, for example. This year we all agreed to keep gift giving to a moderate level. Nobody overdid it. Most of us have other things to do with our money. Yet the gifts that were exchanged were well thought out and appreciated. Nice.

Christmas really isn’t quite over. Some of my family will be joining my wife and I later in the week. When the kids grow up and get married, they have obligations to the spouse’s side of the family too. This is year some of them spend the actual day with the other side. It works out. Everyone was here for Thanksgiving. Next year we get everyone for Christmas, but some will spend Thanksgiving day away.

In my attempt to behave in a non-Grinch manner, I even accompanied my wife to her Christmas Eve church service. I’m not a member and have real issues with the minister. Heck, my wife has issues with the minister, but she expects to outlast him. I minded my manners, smiled at the good folk, sang the songs and shook the hands. My wife was happy to have me along, so I guess I can put up with it now and then. However, it’s tough to keep my tongue in my pocket.

My wife and I didn’t even exchange gifts. Our present to each other will be a trip to a huge used bookstore over in Vermont. That works for me.

Hope all my readers had the holiday they were hoping for.

Peace and Balance,

Sixbears

Heretic

My wife's church knows I'm not a member. I've my reasons and my own faith. I love my wife and if she wants to contribute to this church, fine. Heck, I've made the effort to help them out. Recently did come cooking for a church supper. They are people in my community and I want to connect with them in some way -even if they think differently than I do.

The problems start when the local church does events with other churches and organizations. Then I can often feel like an outsider. They talk different when they among who they think are their own. I've seen people who appear friendly suddenly close down when they find I'm not of their church. Doesn't matter that we've connected all day about other matters. Once the religion gap is known, the walls come up.

Interesting. They talk a great game of community, but what they really want is a community of people with exactly the same beliefs. Jesus would cry.

One of the things I've noticed is a lowered tolerance for people who think differently. There's less willingness to find consensus with other people. Perhaps the church goers should ally with peoples of other faiths or no faith at all. We shouldn't focus on dogma but on making ethical and moral decisions.

-Sixbears