Adult Friendship

Recently I was reading about how difficult it is to make friends as an adult. It’s also expensive. People these days tend to meet during activities. Most of these cost money: gym memberships, clubs, educational programs and hobbies. With the world operating mostly in cyberspace meeting in person takes extra effort.

It doesn’t help that in these post-pandemic years a lot of people are staying home. Avoiding people has become a habit. Young people who came of age during those years never developed the social skill sets needed to make new friends. At least they are back in school and have the opportunity to meet their peers. However, some have a lot of catching up to do and not much time left to do it. 

Those can be life long friends. I still have friends I met during my school years. It took some work to stay in touch when we all scattered to the four winds after graduation. However, eventually a few moved back to town and others are within reasonable driving distance. 

Another thing I noticed is the large number of young adults with crippling social anxiety. Just the thought of meeting strangers can cause bad reactions and physical symptoms. That certainly hampers making new friends. 

One place we don’t meet anymore, especially in New England, is at church. That used to be the center of a lot of people’s social circles. In my region church membership is way down.

What we lack is what’s known as a “third space.” That’s some public space that’s not work or home. The article lamented that free public gathering spaces aren’t that common. There are some options popping up that are either free or inexpensive. My wife’s church opened a free coffee shop in the basement of their church. It’s secular with no concern about a person’s religion. The idea is to get the community to come together. Finally after a number of months it’s taking off. There are even some local musicians who show up with their instruments. Too bad it’s just open one day a week.

Those of us in the Boomer generation used to get together at each other’s houses. Recently some of us have been gathering for campfires now that the weather is decent. Sitting around the fire, talking and burning a few marshmallows is a pleasant and cheap night out. I was happy with the gathering we had the other night. 

Having adult friends is good for one’s mental health. It also doesn’t hurt to have someone to call for help in an emergency. 

-Sixbears